I have had a very emotional day today. I am a fairly even emotional person and people around me, even family, very rarely see me down. I have realised recently that I never cry in front of people, not sure why, cause if I am sad I certainly do cry, but only when I am alone. Dad hasn't been too bad today, but still very frail. Today I have has District Nurses visiting and also the Palliative Nurse visited. She gave me a brochure on what to expect as someone is coming to the end of their life. After reading it, it sort of hit home that this was actually happening to Dad now. I sort of fell in a bit of a heap and took myself of to bed for a bit of a cry. The rest of the day has been a bit of a haze for me. So as I said the other day, this year I am determined to do something for me every day to balance out the down times. So tonight I took myself of to the pool and swan 20laps. Now I am not a fit person by any stretch of the imagination but I haven't swan for about 5 months and it is amazing how your unfitness can increase. 4 Months ago I was swimming 40 laps of the 25metre pool, tonight I really struggled to get up to my 20. I am really glad that I mentioned in my blog that one of my New Years Resolution was to have "FUN" and make sure I have some "DAVINE TIME" each and every day. Actually writing it down has sort of made me accountable to make it happen. I really hope all my friends out their are doing something for yourself at least once a week - daily would be better. I would love to hear any of your "PAMPER ME" activities. Remember - enjoy life and have "FUN". Monday, January 4, 2010
Emotional Day
I have had a very emotional day today. I am a fairly even emotional person and people around me, even family, very rarely see me down. I have realised recently that I never cry in front of people, not sure why, cause if I am sad I certainly do cry, but only when I am alone. Dad hasn't been too bad today, but still very frail. Today I have has District Nurses visiting and also the Palliative Nurse visited. She gave me a brochure on what to expect as someone is coming to the end of their life. After reading it, it sort of hit home that this was actually happening to Dad now. I sort of fell in a bit of a heap and took myself of to bed for a bit of a cry. The rest of the day has been a bit of a haze for me. So as I said the other day, this year I am determined to do something for me every day to balance out the down times. So tonight I took myself of to the pool and swan 20laps. Now I am not a fit person by any stretch of the imagination but I haven't swan for about 5 months and it is amazing how your unfitness can increase. 4 Months ago I was swimming 40 laps of the 25metre pool, tonight I really struggled to get up to my 20. I am really glad that I mentioned in my blog that one of my New Years Resolution was to have "FUN" and make sure I have some "DAVINE TIME" each and every day. Actually writing it down has sort of made me accountable to make it happen. I really hope all my friends out their are doing something for yourself at least once a week - daily would be better. I would love to hear any of your "PAMPER ME" activities. Remember - enjoy life and have "FUN". 
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Hi Davine! It's quite understandable that the reality of your situation with your dad would smack emotionally but you are right on with the balance of things - throw in the fun, do something good for yourself! It's all about the balance - and boy oh boy we forget that sometimes when we face a crusher and collapse in a heap of tears. So good for you for picking yourself up! It takes strength and wisdom to do that and I'll be here to cheer you on!
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suZen
I am very happy to hear that you are looking after yourself Davine, both emotionally and physically. I feel that the release of tears is extremely cleansing and good for you to write about it, that is good for the soul in my opinion. I am sorry to hear that your Dad is not doing so well, please remember to be grateful for the time you have had with him, as hard as it might be. I say this because I am sure you now know that my Dad passed on when I was a wee girl.
ReplyDeleteI too will attempt to do as you mention and look after myself, I already know that doing "Darlene" things daily is almost out of the question with such a rigorous schedule but I am going to give it a shot, even if it is reading something which I am passionate about or writing.
Thank you for the suggestion and I will post from time to time what I have done for myself!
I hope your day/evening is filled with great moments for yourself!
Davine: Being fairly new to your blog, I had read snippets of your Dad being frail but did not have the whole picture. Now that I do, may I share? My Mom was "sick" for one reason or another most all of my life. So when she really became ill it was on the one hand "yes again" on the other it was OMG, this is "really real". Even after all those years, my spirit ached. I do understand.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you are a person of courage and hope. Good for you for taking care of you. It will keep you strong. (((((((((((hugs)))))))))
Davine, so sorry that it truly is the end of life stage for your father. I am glad the nurses are there to help and to guide. It is very confusing and no wonder you feel in a daze.
ReplyDeleteI think using your "me" time to swim was brilliant!!! Very heathful and kind to yourself!
One good thing about having had a terrible, terrible childhood and teenhood is that now, every day feels so much better than back then. Just being able to move about freely, eat, and stay comfortable is a joy each day.
Hello Davine,
ReplyDeleteSo sorry it's not been the best of days for you but it's better to let any emotion out, I think that's what helps to keep you going through difficult times.
So please you got out there for that swim.
You definitely mustn't forget about yourself at this crucial time. These times will give you the strength to keep going.
Thoughts are with you, Take Care!
The swim is an inspired move, Davine. Physical activity releases endorphins that ease depression, at whatever level it hits you. My father is old and frail, too, but in a nursing home so I am not as impacted as you. To him, I think that death would come as a blessed relief. He will be 89 this year and has already lived too long. He has spent the last two years hoping not to wake up.
ReplyDeleteSo what is to be done by the carer. You have hit the nail on the head. Don't have his situation dominate EVERY part of your day. Do something for you. Pamper yourself. Be self-ish. What is happening is a normal life-course, both for him and for you. Do not be sad about it. The body will depart, the soul will be released and the person will live in your memory forever.
Do not take to your bed. Take to the pool. Be strong.
Hey Davine, my "Pamper Me" thing today came about kind of inadvertently ... I was surfing for Valentine's Day quotes and found that as I read them, then looked at Gifts for Love, a smile was spreading across my face and life seemed magickal again. Thanks for reminding me to have fun in 2010. Sending Love to you, and your dad ...
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ReplyDeleteA'isha
Hi Davine,
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear about your dad. Let the tears come - it's better than trying to bottle your feelings up. Tears can be great release, but if you're anything like me, you'd end up looking like a red-faced lobster with a headache.
Your idea of "Davine time" is a good one and keeping occupied and the mind and hands busy is a wise move. Being able to put your thoughts and feelings on paper is also cleansing and helps to deal with stressful and sorrowful things in our life.
God bless.