Winter Olympics

Hi, I’m back. This is the first time I have turned my laptop on in four days and what an emotional four days it has been. Most of the time my emotions are stable but then all of a sudden a downer creeps up on me and I am in tears. I am aware that this is totally normal after loosing my Dad, but it doesn’t make it any easier. But I also know that I have to look after myself, by treating myself like my very best friend. Dads funeral was on Friday and it was very sad but also very nice. I put together a group of photos of him with the song “You’ll never walk alone” by Gerry and the Pacemakers. It was an extremely sad song and had most of the visitors in tears, which is exactly what I wanted. I decided I didn’t want Rachel and me to be the only two crying. I was really glad when the day had ended, now I can concentrate on life and what ever it brings.


“Davine Time” update – Yes I still have tried to fit some ME TIME into my day. It has been a lot of looking at the Winter Olympics in Vancouver. Now I don’t know how many people will agree with me but I just love watching the “Curling”. I haven’t come across anyone else who enjoys it, but oh well I do. My other most favourite of the games is the ice-hockey. I have loved watching ice-hockey since we lived in Canada. I will definitely be up early tomorrow morning to watch the Grand Final game between Canada & USA.

Friends and Family

I have always cherished my friends and family and tried to make them aware of how much they mean to me, but at times like these I am quite amazed by the love and friendship I am receiving. It is interesting how everyone has their own way of showing their love and support. It doesn’t matter if it is a kind word, a gentle touch on the shoulder, a beautiful bouquet of flowers, a phone call, a bunch of roses from their garden, a gift of a Buddha or a crystal, a huge hug, or even just a smile or a wink of the eye that says “I am here if you need anything”, I am so so happy that I have the people I have in my life. Thank you, you are all bringing a smile to my heart at the moment.


“Davine Time” update – I took myself of to my dear old Dads and my favourite Chinese Restaurant and treated myself to some take away.

Queen Victoria

Having cared for someone you love for so long it’s not only the grieving you have to contend with but it is really difficult getting used to not having things to do. Oh don’t get me wrong I have plenty to do but not what I have been used to. As I have done for the past two plus years I wake in the morning and just run through the things that I have to do during the day. But these mornings I wake and realize there is very little I really have to do. So that’s where my self preservation kicks in and I make my mental list with the things I will do for the day, some are now actually out of the house and most are for me. I guess that’s the way we all get thru our daily lives, with a bit of planning and don’t forget out little piece of me time each and every day.

“Davine Time” update: Last night I started back at my Meditation – Inner Mind - Inner Peace classes, not surprisingly my state of mind at the moment had me in tears at one stage. But by the end of the class I felt I had transported my mind to some nice peaceful places. Around 9.30pm when the class had finished I thought it might be fun to head down to Station Pier and have a look at the ship “Queen Victoria” that was visiting Melbourne and due to depart around midnight. Shane thought it a bit crazy to head of at that time of night but hey that’s our FUN. It is a very huge ship being 294 metres (964.5ft) in length and 32.3 metres (106ft) in width. It can carry up to 2,000 guests in 990 staterooms. It was moored next to the "Spirit of Tasmanai" which looked tiny next to it. When we got down there it was so cold and extremely windy I couldn’t really get a clear photo. But I still thought I would share my blurry one.

Self Talk

I have been so touched by all of the wonderful messages from all of my friends. All the wonderful comments have also helped me remember some of my own advice. I fell in a bit of a heap today, feeling rock bottom. Then I remembered some of the advice I have given friends before and decided to take notice of myself. My advice to myself is to just take life at the moment hour by hour. If I want to sleep, then sleep. If I want to cry, then cry. If I want to eat, then I will eat. Just for now I will do what ever I want to do, I will pamper me and just talk to me. Positive self talk is such a powerful thing, so that’s the road I am taking for now. I am so glad I have promised myself to have a “Davine Time” year. It makes me do stuff for me.

** “Davine Time” update – I soaked in a lovely hot bubble bath and spent some time meditating.

Being Responsible

This morning I awoke with the sudden realization that I am not responsible for anyone. As many of us I have been responsible for someone for many years. First it was my two beautiful children, then it became for my ageing parents and then it was the honour to care for my elderly Dad. But this morning as I wake it is just me that I have to think about. For a while it made me very sad, but then I decided this was the point of my life my parents had worked so hard to get me to. They are the two people that produced me and raised me to be the adult I am today. There may have been lots of other influences in my life but they did the early ground work to instil in me the values I have now. So I decided to honour them as best I can and to love, care and be responsible for myself. As it turned out it’s not as easy as I thought to all of a sudden to switch from caring for someone you love to care for yourself. I was successful for some of the day, but most of the day was spent wandering around thinking of what I could do next. Up until now life has been set out for me with specific things that had to be done, now I just have to get used to just being Davine. I know I will get there I just have to take things one hour at a time. I really want to thank all my friends both near and afar for their love and best wishes in this time of my life.

** “Davine Time” update – I had a couple of me times today. This morning Shane and I went out for brunch – it was very nice. Then tonight a couple of girlfriends – Alice and Melissa came around and we had an enjoyable night of chatting, pizza and wine. Thanks girls I needed it.

Keith Pitcher --- 9 November 1918 - 19 February 2010

Just thought I would let you all know that my dear old Dad passed away today at 3.00pm. After 91 wonderful, eventful, mostly happy years and 3 plus months of winding down his life he left us very peacefully. I had the honour of sitting with him holding his hand as he took his last breathes. I think he had made up his mind not to let his cherished granddaughter (Rachel) see him pass, as he went just as her car pulled up at the front of my house. My Dad was a true gentle man and also a true gentleman. Right up until he was no longer mobile be would walk on the road side of the footpath as the gentlemen would do in the old days. He would also never say a harsh word about anyone. If Mum and I were having a whinge about someone, he would just say “she means well though”. Years ago I was sitting with Mum and Dad and asked them a few of their favourite things when they were young. I asked Dad what his favourite toy was and he said he never really had many toys but he did have live toys, his greyhound dogs who he loved. I then asked him his favourite book. He made me laugh with his answer! His favourite book was his “Bank Book”. One really cool thing he did was when he was in primary school, his view out of the window was Moonee Valley horse racing track. One day he was looking out the window watching “Pharlap” race. For all the non Aussies out there “Pharlap” was by far the most famous racing horse every born in Australia. His passing has naturally made me extremely sad, I just feel empty inside, but I know he had a wonderful life. One beautiful memory I will have for the rest of my life will be his last words to me:

I LOVE YOU.

My Davine Time today was definitely sharing this time with Dad.

I Believe

I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge --
myth is more potent than history --

dreams are more powerful than facts --
hope always triumphs over experience --

laughter is the cure for grief --
love is stronger than death.

ROBERT FULGHUM

Sleep Mmmm.

Yesterday the Nurses started Dad on morphine, in my mind, I take that as we are nearing his passing. We were all pretty exhausted so palliative care organised a nurse to stay the night so Shane and I could get a full nights sleep. Nicky arrived at 10.00pm and just took over, which is just what I needed. I took a sleeping pill and of into Zzzzzz’s world. I feel a bit more human today having had a good nights sleep and knowing that Dad was in very good hands. Today he has been quite settled, but still knowing me and nodding his head to some questions, when he is awake that is. The nurse is with him at the moment giving him a freshen up and inserting a catheter (my poor daddy). I am so happy he is now less agitated and very comfortable. We have a hospital bed in his bedroom and it has one of those air mattresses, it looks so comfy. Comfort and Hospital Bed are not two words that are usually used together. I was just in the bedroom helping the nurse turn Dad and I once again saw a glimmer of his funny sense of humour. I must admit I miss his sense of humour; it has always been very cheeky.

Canadian Rockies - 1989

The Olympics are bring back wonderful memories of my time in Canada.

** "Davine Time" update - Last night not only did I get a full nights sleep, but I had a lovely hot bubble bath.

Things That Make Me Smile

I am finding life pretty hard at the moment and also finding it hard to find words to write.

So I thought I would just share some things that make me smile.

My Kids

Zoe having a Bath

Tasmanian Rainforest

** "Davine Time" update - Sat and enjoyed watching the opening of the Winter Olympics in Vancouver - I love the Olympics.

Feelings

As most of you would be aware I care for my 91 year old Dad. He is in the final stages of his life and my life is pretty much consumed with him at the moment. He is getting more and more frail every day, finds it very difficult to speak, has no appetite, so eats almost nothing, cannot get out of bed or even sit up himself. I know I am not the only one finding these days hard, but I can only comment on my feelings. It is really such a privilege to spend this time with him – just as they were with my Mum. I am really just working on auto pilot at the moment – doing some of the daily things that have to be done, but not really thinking about it. I know I would not want anything new or unusual to pop up, I don’t think I could deal with it. My feelings are sort of numb, not feeling sad or happy just being. There have only been two other times in my life when I have felt like this and they were when my marriage dissolved and when my Mum was in hospital dying. Friends say how I am doing a wonderful job, but I don’t look at it that way, I am just looking after my Dad. It is hard but it is only a short time out of my life. I am sorry if I am repeating myself but I am using my blog to just get my feelings out there.


** “Davine Time” update – it’s like Ground Hog Day – I am sitting in bed reading some blogs.

My Love / Hate Relationship with Corellas!!

Now I must say I love nature and I really like birds living their lives flying freely to wherever they want to go. I have been known to say if I came back as an animal I wouldn’t mind being a bird. The different sound of the birds in the morning is lovely. “WELL NOT THIS MORNING AT 7.00AM”!!!! In our area we have a huge population of Corellas, chewing there way through lots of the new seeds on our trees in our many parks. As they fly from one area to another it is almost like the sound of a helicopter, it is quite an amazing sound. We this morning at 7.00am they decided to visit my street, in fact my tree and my electricity wire. I am glad none of them chewed a bit harder on the wires, it would have been a bit ugly plus our power would have been lost. Zoe usually barks like crazy at any birds when they are in the trees but she was just walking around looking up – dismayed at all the bl…y noisy birds chewing away. A lot of them were babies having lots of fun hanging upside down and chasing each other. They stayed about an hour flying and chewing between my trees and the trees across the road. Once the day started to warm up they all decided to head of, so away they went with their huge roar. I really hope they don’t decide to visit again tomorrow morning!!!


** “Davine Time” update – I really haven’t had a chance to get to indulge in my time yet today so I am going to climb into bed and catch up on reading some blog posts.

Opium Poppies

Tasmania is the world's largest producer of opium alkaloids for the pharmaceutical market.

Standards placed on the industry by the Federal, State and US governments are stringent with very high levels of scientific expertise necessary.

The industry is highly efficient. It produces about 50% of the world's concentrated poppy straw (CPS) for morphine and related opiates from merely 10.7% of the production area.

** "Davine Time" update: Tonight I just had to escape for a little while in front of the Telly. So I veged out and immersed myself in "The Biggest Looser" world - I love this show.

** "Dad update" - He is so exhausted and frail that he is sleeping about 23.5 hours a day. He really isn't eating much - but he is comfortable and loved.

Imaginary Friends

Yes I am still here; I just haven’t had the energy to write anything for the past few days. Dear old Dad has really gone downhill. Sunday he was in his own little fantasy world with lots of past (deceased) friends and strangers visiting him throughout the day. He spent the entire day talking to these imaginary people while trying to touch and grab things that didn’t exist. It was extremely frustrating for him as he couldn’t talk clear enough for us to understand. I do know that my grandmother (his Mum – Myrtle) who died when I was 6 was in the room all day listening to the radio. We decided it was just best to agree with all of his sightings, to prevent him becoming more frustrated. At one stage I was asked to turn the imaginary radio up, so I pretended to and all was OK. Then yesterday Dad was still a bit confused, thankfully no visitors came, but he was totally exhausted and slept the whole day. So the last few days have been quite exhausting for everyone, but we took some advice from my darling cousin Susan, who has been through this with both of her parents. She said just put yourself into their little world and remember to still have a laugh – yes I know she is a wise woman and I love her. Now on Tuesday morning I am sitting here not sure of what my day will consist of today, but I will deal with whatever comes along.


** “Davine Time” update – I have made time to sit and watch “Desperate Housewives” with Rachel and I have also indulged in some meditating.

Tasmania - Gardens.

Allendale Gardens - Edith Creek - Tasmania

One of the nicest gardens I have ever seen.

** "Davine Time" update - even though my me time today would probably not be called "FUN" it was very pleasurable for me to finally finish a couple of things I had put of long enough.

Government Agencies and Ikea

I haven’t really got much to talk about tonight – I am mentally exhausted. Why do government businesses have to make things so difficult. What with taking care of Dads financial stuff and mine as well I am dealing with six different areas at the moment and they all want information, information information. I can’t send one area what they want until I get extra paperwork from someone else and so on. Anyway that is my little whinge – I might just veg out in front of the telly and watch Medium.

** “Davine Time” update – I love IKEA – Today I had a little shop at Ikea, I just love the stuff they have there.

Happy 1st Birthday to Me...

Today is the 1st anniversary of my venture into blogland. Back when I first started writing my blog I wasn’t sure why I wanted to write, it wasn’t that I had a burning desire to be a writer or anything like that. After I sat down and thought about it, it was obvious. Ask any of my friends and they will confirm that I am a bit of a talker. I live with Shane – who is very quiet, Dad who is also very quiet cause he sleeps most of the time and none of the animals say much either. So this was my way of getting all the stuff I would normally talk about out. I wasn’t sure if I would keep it up as I am quite a procrastinator and also usually stop doing things before it has been completed. Also who would have thought – I didn’t – that I would meet people online that I now regard as my friends and look forward each day to see what is happening in their lives and listening to their wonderful stories they tell. Looking back a lot has happened in my life during the past 12 months but also nothing has happened – go figure. OK here’s looking forward to the next 12 months and sharing our time together.

** "Davine Time" update - Cooked one of my fav. meals for my dinner - Chicken Vindaloo - woo it was really hot too!!

Goodbye Caspa

This afternoon my day turned into a very sad day. I had to take my dear old cat – Caspa – to be euthanized. She was 17 years old, which is approx. 84 in human years. She is actually my son Shanes cat, although I would regard her as my friend. As with all cats she was very aloof with a mind of her own. She was named after the cartoon character “Caspa the Ghost” because she was jet black and Caspa the Ghost was white. Go figure; that is how my kids and my mind works!! Every morning as soon as she heard my voice she would greet me with her funny half meow (her voice was half gone cause of her age), it may have just been for food, but it was me she greeted. Her most favourite food would have to have been chicken. Given the chance she would hijack it of your plate if you looked away. When she was younger she enjoyed – well maybe tolerated – a wash in the bath. She loved me holding her and gently stroking the pads on her front paws. About 6 years ago we almost lost her when she was hit by a car and was trying to get under a neighbours house to die. Luckily we got her and after the vet had patched her broken bones up she had to live in a cage for a month, so she wouldn't move around. From that day on she had a bit of a dripping saliva problem - bit yucky but funny. She was always best friends with the dogs in the house. Tammy (who went to heaven a while back) and Caspa used to sleep in the same bed. Zoe, who is our only pet now (other than the fish) was actually smaller than Caspa and they would always play fight and the cat would always beat the dog. I am so going to miss her, but I think we gave her a pretty good 17 years. Goodbye Caspa – We Love You.

** “Davine Time” update – This morning I went to a gift fare and a wholesale beads shop and immersed myself in creativity.