This morning I awoke with the sudden realization that I am not responsible for anyone. As many of us I have been responsible for someone for many years. First it was my two beautiful children, then it became for my ageing parents and then it was the honour to care for my elderly Dad. But this morning as I wake it is just me that I have to think about. For a while it made me very sad, but then I decided this was the point of my life my parents had worked so hard to get me to. They are the two people that produced me and raised me to be the adult I am today. There may have been lots of other influences in my life but they did the early ground work to instil in me the values I have now. So I decided to honour them as best I can and to love, care and be responsible for myself. As it turned out it’s not as easy as I thought to all of a sudden to switch from caring for someone you love to care for yourself. I was successful for some of the day, but most of the day was spent wandering around thinking of what I could do next. Up until now life has been set out for me with specific things that had to be done, now I just have to get used to just being Davine. I know I will get there I just have to take things one hour at a time. I really want to thank all my friends both near and afar for their love and best wishes in this time of my life. ** “Davine Time” update – I had a couple of me times today. This morning Shane and I went out for brunch – it was very nice. Then tonight a couple of girlfriends – Alice and Melissa came around and we had an enjoyable night of chatting, pizza and wine. Thanks girls I needed it.
You are an amazing person. Your parent done good. But give yourself some time to re set and re group. I know you know this but doing what you have been doing for your father and then not having that to do is a huge impact situation.....you are very vulnerable right now and need to be on guard. And trust your instincts. Much love, ((((((hugs))))))
ReplyDeletegood for you, and I know the feeling, its exhilerating and a bit odd isn't it? here's hoping we not only learn how but get darn good at it.
ReplyDeleteOh Linda they are such wise words and words I need at the moment - thank you
ReplyDeleteC.J - Yeah heres hoping we do - it is a bit weird though isn't it?
The sudden lifting of the weight on your shoulders leads to disorientation, doesn't it. But you know this will ease. i agree that to be responsible for your OWN pleasure is the most challenging of tasks. I am working towards resolving that, too, even though my Dad is still with me, but down the road.
ReplyDeleteTake a couple of days ... sort out the remaining issues ... and take the next two months slowly. We are here with you.
Thanks Julie, Thank you so much for words, today I feel exhausted so I am just going to sit. My thoughts are with you and your Dad.
ReplyDeleteit all must be so overwhelming Davine, I can't imagine what this must be like for you. Sending you good wishes and virtual Hugs
ReplyDeleteA'isha
I am truly sorry for your loss and can certainly identify with what you are going through. Take some time for yourself. Deep breaths. Spend some time getting to know yourself. Us women tend to be caretakers, never taking time for us, never getting to know and truly love ourselves. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
ReplyDeleteMary
When my Dad passed away last year, driving home I saw a nursey called "The Garden of Eden". I went in an bought a rosemary bush to remember my Dad. Now it has grown much bigger and every time I pick a piece to add to the roast or whatever I'm cooking, it's as though Dad was there with me at the dinner table.
ReplyDeleteTake care.
Bless your heart Davine - sending hugs! Your father sounded like a wonderfully gentle man and you wrote of him so lovingly. Another chapter begins now - it's always one after the other as we're on our journey.
ReplyDeleteDavine, Rome was not built in a day. Take as much time as you need and do what you must for yourself. Our personal growth comes in many forms and shapes, it comes through pleasures and pains. My heart goes out to you tonight. Huge hugs sent your way from across the miles.
ReplyDeleteHello Davine,
ReplyDeleteYou must take each day as it comes & don't be hard on yourself. Quite a transition you're going through now.
Your father sounded like a lovely genteel man & you've certainly done him justice with all your love & care, together with your tribute to him as a parent.
It will take awhile to re-adjust, but thankfully you seem to have some wonderful friends around you besides your own family, which will be a blessing.
Take Great Care Davine, Thinking of You!
Take each day as it comes but it seems like you are already going along the right lines with your 'me' time. :0)
ReplyDeleteTake care of you first and for most!! Writing will help.
ReplyDelete