Thursday, February 11, 2010

Feelings

As most of you would be aware I care for my 91 year old Dad. He is in the final stages of his life and my life is pretty much consumed with him at the moment. He is getting more and more frail every day, finds it very difficult to speak, has no appetite, so eats almost nothing, cannot get out of bed or even sit up himself. I know I am not the only one finding these days hard, but I can only comment on my feelings. It is really such a privilege to spend this time with him – just as they were with my Mum. I am really just working on auto pilot at the moment – doing some of the daily things that have to be done, but not really thinking about it. I know I would not want anything new or unusual to pop up, I don’t think I could deal with it. My feelings are sort of numb, not feeling sad or happy just being. There have only been two other times in my life when I have felt like this and they were when my marriage dissolved and when my Mum was in hospital dying. Friends say how I am doing a wonderful job, but I don’t look at it that way, I am just looking after my Dad. It is hard but it is only a short time out of my life. I am sorry if I am repeating myself but I am using my blog to just get my feelings out there.


** “Davine Time” update – it’s like Ground Hog Day – I am sitting in bed reading some blogs.